Jazzy music played softly through my earphones as I stared out the window of the car. The sun was setting but all I could see was the hazy softness through the thick clouds that covered it. Rain pattered softly as we drove. The outdoors had a sepia color look to it. It's autumn now and everything having to do with nature is romantic.
I sat, listening to the music just pondering where I am, what I'm doing and what Jesus is gingerly revealing to me in this season.
CHANGE
I keep experiencing this foreign feeling. One that doesn't happen too often. Just a thought. Sometimes it comes to me like a picture. Sometimes it's a smell. Or sometimes I hear God whisper. Or a verse that just confirms my thoughts. It's so heavy sometimes that my heart aches and yet soars all at the same time.
It's this change. Of everything. Change of:
Environment. People. Daily tasks. Mind. Even clothes!
Once in awhile I notice my heart changing too. Like, things that used to bother me and don't anymore, or things that didn't bother me and they do now. My heart recognizes or understands things about myself that never crossed my mind before. I notice how in my weakest points;
I want people to define who I am and not God.
I see other people's flaws as something wrong with myself that made them be that way and I have to fix it.
I feel immature and out of place if giving the wrong answer.
But that's why change exists. Change happens when we desire more. Change comes when we recognize our weakness. Change exists because God intends great things for us!
Now those things that I struggle with will change and they can be transformed. They can turn into the opposite and I can live in freedom.
Sometimes for a change to take place. Everything needs to change. And that's how it is with me now. I had to get out of my town, comfortable home, friend zone and just everything familiar to me for there to be a change. I needed more impetus and drive. I lost inspiration. I didn't want to sing anymore. I felt dull and apathetic. Why do you think you sometimes switch your furniture around? Or girls, you get new purses every couple of months. Some of you a couple of weeks? It's change. It's built in us to want more. And to get more often times it means, change.
I only think of this change stuff or get all deep if I go out in nature. Somehow the romantic autumn feel gets my mind digging into places I know God wants me to delve into. Autumn is change. Everything about it. The trees, the temperature. The activities. Everything changes in this season.
And I hear God whispering in my ear,
"Enjoy the change and enjoy the season. Cuz I made it and I know it is good."
